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Tender
Hearts Taste Better in Butter
by
Weston Ochse
(Audiobook) 
 The
main character in this story is a hit man and he has always hated kids.
Now his employer, Chadwick, has told him to kidnap some. Their father
owes Chadwick some money, but won't pay up. He has even hired a golem
bodyguard. While the golem is busy guarding his
body though. Who is guarding the kids? Not a soul.
So the hired-gun picks up the kids and drives around with them for a
few hours while he waits for Chadwick to call and tell him that their
father has payed up. It turns out to be a long wait though, and the
girl is especially troublesome. “Where the f'*@# are you
taking us?” she demands. The hit
man is stunned by how expertly her young lips form the words. Who the
hell is this girl, he wonders, and where did she get her mouth? He was
expecting rug rats, but has got wharf rats instead. It's going to be a
stressful job and, just to make matters worse, he has just quit smoking.
Weston Ochse narrates this story himself. It's a great little tale and
I don't think that anybody could do a better job of reading it. This is
a horror story, but it is filled with humour and, although I have
listened to it many times, it never fails to make me smile. The scene
in the diner is particularly funny and I just pray to God that I never
have to eat in a joint where the waitress looks like that. Like what? I
hear you ask, and I would like to tell you, but, do you know what?
Nobody on the face of this planet could do a better job of telling you
than Weston Ochse, so if you want to find out you will have to download
the audio book and get the story from Ochse himself. One word of
warning though, if
you are eating a burger, just about to eat a burger, or have the
intention of pursuing any burger-related eating activity in the near
future... well... you might want to put it off for a while and listen
on a non-burger day.
Tender
Hearts Taste Better in Butter
has a runtime of about twenty-one minutes. It is available to buy as a
single download and is also included in the
audiobook anthology Smoky
Mountain Horrors
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